Ron, my
beloved husband of 56 ½ years, passed into the presence of His Lord and Savior
in the early morning hours of December 10, 2013.
He had
been gradually failing due to dementia and extreme sciatica pain and in early
November he could not sit, stand, walk, or feed himself. Most of that intense
time is a blur to me as Ron was in and out of the hospital, and in a
convalescent home for a week while they did rehabilitation therapy to help him
walk and feed himself again. But he came home in the same condition that he
went into the hospital.
During
that time, I had a dream that I was talking to a friend of Ron’s. We were in
the living room of an old, whitewashed house with a low, popcorn ceiling. The
small house stood on a high hill, and as I looked out a bay window at a village
nestled in a lush green valley below, I said to our friend, “Ron is going to
pass away soon.”
The
scene was so detailed and vivid, but I don’t remember anything else that was
said during the dream. When I awoke, I realized that Ron was going to pass
away.
After
that, the words that God kept bringing to mind were: “the strong hand of the
Lord is on us.” As I searched the Bible I discovered how meaningful and true
those words proved to be in our lives in so many ways:
“Sovereign
Lord, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong
hand. For what
god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do
(Deuteronomy
3:24, NIV)?
“He
acted with a strong hand and powerful arm. His faithful love endures forever (Psalm 136:12,
NLT).
How
did God have His strong hand on us?
Earlier
that year, in April of 2013, I had broken my right foot, and our friend, Jimmy,
from church had called us almost daily, talking to Ron and me, praying for us,
and often singing “Jesus loves you” over the phone when he left a message.
My
friend Lana came after I broke my foot to pray with me, clean, and do dishes
for all those months while my bones healed. Then in November as Ron was slowly
passing away, I fractured my right ankle when I slipped on the kitchen floor.
Lana continued to clean and help in so many ways, with such a loving heart.
God
sent an outpouring of love through our church family with meals and helps of
all kind and provided us with a new dishwasher. Judy and Steve, members we
hardly knew, stepped forward and assisted in so many practical ways, arranging
for meals, trips to the doctor, and wading through bills and paperwork. We also
received much needed financial gifts.
God
provided Hospice care for Ron, and my broken ankle turned out to be a “God
thing.” As social workers assessed our situation, one worker kept looking back
and forth between Ron and me, saying, “They can’t be left alone. They need
help.”
I
couldn’t care for Ron because I was in a wheelchair and couldn’t reach him to
give him medication or food, or physically care for him. To be honest, I am not
good at nursing care. So through Hospice, God provided help for us 24/7.
Our
friends, Pastor Archie; Greg, Ron’s Bible study leader; and men from the group
came to visit Ron. They read Scripture and prayed aloud for Ron, who slipped in
and out of consciousness and could not sit up at all. On a Thursday, the day of
the study, Ron suddenly awoke, sat up, and said, “I have to go to Bible Study.”
We
told him that he couldn’t go, but he became agitated as he tried to climb out
of bed and insisted, “I’m going to Bible study.”
I finally
had to call Greg and put him on the phone with Ron. Greg was able to calm Ron
and help him understand that he couldn’t get out of bed. As Greg said at Ron’s
service, “That was the first time I had to tell one of the men they couldn’t
come to Bible study.”
Though
Ron had no idea what day it was or that the Bible study was that night, we were
amazed that he knew in his spirit.
During
one of Pastor Archie’s visit, he said to Ron, who was semi-conscious, “Brother
Ron I have heard you sing hundreds of times over the years we’ve known each
other, and right now there is a song you are singing in your head. What is that
song?”
Ron
roused from his semi-conscious state and immediately started singing softly,
his voice crackling,
“Have
Thine own way, Lord!
Have
Thine own way!
Thou
art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me
and make me after Thy will,
While I
am waiting, yielded and still.
Have
Thine own way, Lord!
Have
Thine own way!”
(Lyrics,
Adelaide A.
Pollard, 1907;
Scripture:
Isaiah 64:8)
Those
of us standing around his bed joined in with Ron, our own voices breaking. It
was a sacred moment.
Then
three days before Ron passed away, county funds had run out and he would no
longer have care. Though we did
not know what we would do or how long Ron would live, the Lord gave me peace
that He would take care of us those remaining days, and He did. His strong hand was upon us.
Our
friends Molliann and Kelly Flowers came that very evening, and she took care of
Ron through the night and most of the next day when my brother and his wife,
Cindy, a retired nurse, came, and then she took over. By then Ron was in a deep
coma, and we realized death was very close and our 21 year old grandson, Byron,
stayed with us.
Sometime
on December 10, in the early morning hours, Ron passed away. Byron awoke, but
he waited to call hospice and waken me until about five a.m. Then he wheeled me
down to Ron’s room. God’s peace pervaded and His strong presence was upon us.
Though I was numb with grief and a deep sense of loss, I knew Ron was home now
and free from pain. Though he had been blind now he could see. Though he had
been confused for so long, now he was clear minded. Now He was rejoicing with
Jesus.
I
realized then the many prayers God had answered. Ron’s greatest fear had been
that he would outlive me. We both had wanted him to die at home, and he did.
Hospice had been searching for a convalescent home that would take Ron during
his final days. We knew God had intervened, and granted us our desires when no
beds were found.
That
day as we planned Ron’s service, we agreed that we wanted it to be a
celebration of his life. So all of our grandchildren along with Jimmy sang at
Ron’s service. Byron played the drums and another friend, Alan, played Ron’s
trumpet. We had two videos of Ron singing at our church. God’s strong hand was
on us.
We
thank our church family and friends who so lovingly exemplified this passage in
their sacrificial giving to us.
Romans 15:1-6
The Message (MSG)
1-2 Those of us who are strong and
able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not
just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status.
Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking
ourselves, “How can I help?”
3-6 That’s exactly what Jesus did. He
didn’t make it easy for himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded right
in and helped out. “I took on the troubles of the troubled,” is the way
Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be
sure it’s written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm,
personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he
will do next. May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop
maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets
along with us all. Then we’ll be a choir—not our voices only, but our very
lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our
Master Jesus!
