Karen shared with me about her friend’s suffering. “Our dear friend Jerry has been a major intercessor over the years—a prayer warrior in the truest sense of the word. But now he is suffering from terminal cancer, and the pain and nausea are so intense that he can barely swallow. His question to me is, ‘Why, when so many are praying for me, is nothing happening?’
“I don’t have any answers for Jerry,” said Karen.
My own faith would be tested just watching a loved one suffer such intense pain without relief. It makes no sense.
One woman said to me a few years after her daughter was murdered and her son killed in an accident, “If God doesn’t care for me, I don’t want to have anything to do with Him.”
I don’t know how I would have felt about God if I had the same losses. I just know that in such times, we need God’s comfort and loving care more than ever.
As Karen said, “It doesn’t mean we need answers, as much as we need our questions validated. Job never got any real answers, did he? Yet he did come to a place of relinquishment and trust.”
We don’t know the mind of God nor why He makes certain judgements or acts in certain ways. His ways and why He allows some Christians to suffer so intensely is beyond our understanding. “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor” (Rom. 11:33-34 ESV)?
Why God?
The hardest time to pray is when we are heartbroken, don’t know what to do, and see no answers in sight. We desperately need to know God cares, but we have questions and doubts.
I’ve seen many people walk away from their relationship with the Lord due to disappointment over a heartbreaking loss. They were angry and bitter and felt forsaken and wanted nothing more to do with God when He didn’t answer the way they expected.
Let’s look at two different approaches we may take when praying about our trials. One approach weakens our faith and causes us to feel alienated from God. The second approach helps us realize God is our tender-loving comforter and caretaker.
The first is the “Why me, God?” approach. We keep questioning God and wanting answers. We need to understand the reasons we or others suffer.
Some trials have a direct cause and effect relationship. If a car ran a red light and broadsided your car that is the cause of your suffering. The effect may be that you were seriously injured and permanently disabled. You know the reason why, but that answer won’t satisfy you.
Why did this happen to me? is what we really desire to know. We want to know the reasons why we “personally” experienced such a terrible accident that changed our life, and what was God trying to accomplish?
Why did God do this to me or let this happen? we also ask. In the first place, God does not harm us, we humans harm one another. Because we are free to do both good and bad, we are free to hurt each other. We have an intimate, personal relationship with God. But if He took away our freewill, we would be like robots with no mind or will of our own.
Unless we were the direct cause of the problem, God is most likely not going to answer us. God didn’t tell Job the reason why he suffered the deaths of his ten children and the loss of everything He owned. Moreover, understanding the reasons won’t change our suffering. We still have to deal with it. Asking God why is a normal reaction to suffering, but we can become stuck trying to make sense of our suffering.
If we focus on wanting to know why we cause ourselves more grief. God may not give us answers that satisfy us in human terms. When this happens we become more discouraged and our prayer-life is weakened.
We dwell on how badly we feel and what we want. As a result we become more and more desperate in prayer. This way of praying only increases our pain and weakens our trust in the Lord. Asking why is faith-defeating.
On the other hand, many Christians accept whatever happens and say that they don’t ask God why. They don’t need to know, but they may feel abandoned and alone.
In the second approach to prayer and suffering is that we seek God’s comfort, compassion, and support. In this way of praying we open our hearts and minds to the indwelling Spirit’s presence. For example, when we’re hurting we don’t want others to give us advice. We need to be with loved ones who will bring us the most comfort. We need their reassuring presence.
When we’re hurting we need our Comforter. We need His loving caring presence. If your own child needed treatment for a terminal disease and the treatment was painful, your presence would comfort and encourage your child. You could have prevented your child’s pain by not allowing him or her to be subjected to the medical treatment, but then the disease would only grow worse.
You can’t stop the treatment even though it hurts your child because it may cure him or her. But when your child cries, you can comfort, hold, and soothe your child. Your loving presence alone helps ease the pain of such an ordeal.
So the Spirit of God is present with us when we hurt. Though He has the power to relieve our pain He may not do so, but He will comfort us and stay close to us throughout the ordeal.
The indwelling Spirit is our ever present helper and comforter. Instead of crying out, “Why, Lord, why?” let us pray, “Lord, comfort me. Help me. Let me feel your presence.”
Let us open our hearts to Him and find healing for our souls and respite from our suffering. For the indwelling Spirit is with us twenty-fours hours a day seven days a week, so we can call on God at anytime. He will never abandon us because He always lives to care for and console us. He is our constant comforter and helper in prayer. The Holy Spirit comes alongside us, lives with us, and indwells us forever so we can completely rely on Him.
The only thing we may be able to change about our situation is our attitude, mind set, and the approach we take to prayer. If we focus on our relationship with the Lord and His indwelling, supportive presence we have the help and comfort we need to see us through. When we harbor anger, bitterness, and keep asking why, we feel alienated from God.
As I practice opening my heart and listening to the indwelling Spirit, it’s amazing the many practical ways He guides me and reveals what I should do.
