Expressing Grief

We express grief in different ways. We either cry openly, weep alone, or show little or no emotion. We may collapse, become hysterical, or give others the impression we’re doing ­well even if we’re not.

When my friend Judie had cancer, women from her church drove her seventy miles for radiation treatments. She shared about her grief: “I remember lying on the sofa, crying as I waited for someone to pick me up. When it was time to leave, I’d dry my eyes, wash up, put a smile on my face, and go out that door. I tried not to burden the women with my ­grief.”

Waves of sorrow, guilt, regrets, and remorse wash over us. “A wave of grief occurs when we become aware of the deep emptiness in ourselves resulting from a loss. . . . This mixture of feelings and physical reactions is called waves because, like waves along the seashore, they come with varied frequency and power.”3

Mourning drains our energy, makes us more susceptible to illness, and increases our stress. We overeat or are unable to eat at all. We may be overcome by inner turmoil, emotional and mental conflicts, and irrational fears, especially of death. We feel as if we’re drowning as we struggle to reach the surface and survive our ­grief.

Sorrow can cause such confusion that we don’t know what we need to do or how to make rational decisions. We don’t even realize that we’re not functioning well. I thought I was handling my normal duties fine after Ron had heart surgery. Later when I prepared to have our taxes done, I discovered that during the time of his surgery and several months of recovery, our check register ­didn’t make sense. I’d made all kinds of mistakes and written checks incorrectly, and our financial records were a ­mess.

When Ron passed away many years later, I felt lost, shut down, and barely functioned. Because Ron had dementia, went suddenly blind, and was in extreme pain I was relieved he was now free and home with his Savior. But I longed to have him back in his right mind and to be able to do the things we had enjoyed and hadn’t been able to do for years.

Some people try to escape sorrow by working longer hours or keeping up a frenzied schedule. “It takes a lot of energy to cry or to feel rage, guilt, or frustration—sometimes all at once. Yet it takes even more energy to contain and defend against emotional outbursts when around ­others.”4

We stifle grief to remain strong for others and complete necessary tasks. Otherwise, we fear they will be so paralyzed by sorrow that they won’t be able to function, meet the demands of life, and maintain a normal routine. If we ever let go and cry, we fear we’d lose control and “act ­crazy.”

My friend Judie recounted why she needed to contain her grief when she had Hodgkin’s ­Disease:

“I was facing something so frightening, and I had to hold it together for my husband and daughters. But I was really holding it together for myself because I was so afraid. I ­couldn’t even let myself know how upset I was. I ­couldn’t let myself do what I wanted to do when I went for radiation treatments. I wanted to scream, ‘You’re not going to do this to me ­again!’

“I thought, If I lose control, I’ll never get it back. If I ever start crying, I’ll never be able to stop. The face I had to put on to make it easier on everybody else helped me hold myself together; it kept me from totally coming apart. I felt as if I were made of glass. If I ever broke, I ­wouldn’t be able to put the pieces back together.”

Prayer

Grant me the desire of my heart and do not withhold the request of my lips. “Lord, don’t be far away. You are my strength; hurry to help me.” My bones are dried up and my hope has perished. I am completely cut off. I wait in hope for You, Lord; You are my help and my shield. I’ll be patient and wait on You; I’ll be of good courage. O strengthen my heart, and I will wait patiently on You, Lord. (Ps. 21:2 paraphrased; Ps. 22:19 ncv not paraphrased; Ezek. 37:11b nas95; Ps. 33:20; Ps. 27:14 kjv ­paraphrased)

COLUMBUS DAY STORM

Shattered by Loss and Sorrow

On October 12, 1962, Ron and I were living in Portland, Oregon when The Columbus Day Storm struck. Wind gusts reached 116 miles per hour at the Morrison Street Bridge. We stood at our front bay window oblivious of the danger, watching debris flying everywhere. I shudder as I realize that we could have been seriously injured by shattered glass or even killed by our house ­collapsing.

We ­didn’t realize the severity of the storm until it passed, and we drove through the streets. Portland looked as if an angry giant had stomped through the city, crushing one house or business and leaving others untouched or slightly damaged. The wind blew out windows, knocked down fireplace chimneys, and rolled cars and large mobile homes across highways as if they were tin toys. The storm ripped off huge tree branches and felled power poles and lines. Streets and rivers were clogged with debris. Amazingly, our house was not damaged even though it sat on a knoll above the other houses on our ­street.

Sorrow can strike us like a hurricane. We wonder how we survived such a crushing loss. We may suffer immense grief when storms of trials rip our lives apart, leaving behind shattered, broken ­hearts.

We can also lose our sense of personal identity and place, such as after the loss of a job, death or a death. We don’t know who we are without our loved one. We feel as if part of us is missing, and we’re not the person we were ­before.

When Ron passed away, we had been married fifty-six and a half years. I had never lived alone, and I felt lost for the next two years. 

Gerald Sittser suffered the full force of a hurricane of sorrow after three of his family members were killed in a single accident. He wrote, “That initial deluge of loss slowly gave way over the next months to the steady seepage of pain that comes when grief, like floodwaters refusing to subside, finds every crack and crevice of the human spirit to enter and erode. I thought that I was going to lose my ­mind.”1

“The loss of anything of real value which a person cares about can produce grief. There seem to be important factors in understanding grief. Not only have I lost something, but it is something of value, something which has provided me with security or support or satisfaction and fulfillment, something in which I have been invested emotionally, something which I truly care ­about.”2

The more we loved and cared about someone, the more of ourselves that we committed to a relationship or invested in our work or project we were passionate about, the more staggering our grief when we fail or lose one.

Prayer

O my Comforter, “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?” “My eye has also grown dim because of sorrow, And all my members are like shadows.” O God, “wipe away every tear from my eyes; for in heaven there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things will pass away.” (Ps. 13:2 NIV; Job 17:7 NKJV; Rev. 21:4 NKJV)

Chapter One: 1. Gemstone Faith

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God,
who gives to all men generously
and without reproaching,
and it will be given him.
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting,
for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea
that is driven and tossed by the wind.”James 1:5-6 rsv 

1. Gemstone Faith

Ron and I were spending our fortieth wedding anniversary in the village of Cambria on the central coast of California. As my husband rested in the motel room after a long drive, I sat on a rough-hewn bench on the cliffs overlooking Moonstone Beach. My exhaustion lifted, and my soul was refreshed as I gazed at the silken blue sky, vast tranquil sea, and majestic Monterey pines gracing the rugged coastline.It was as bright as daylight that Friday evening at 8:00 p.m. Surfers in black wet suits perched on their surfboards waiting to ride the ocean’s waves, but the placid breakers rolled lazily ashore. The gentle whitewashed surf was fringed in lacy foam—quite a contrast to the savage sea storms that had at one time uprooted giant trees and tossed them along the shore.

I worked my way down the steep earthen steps to the rock-strewn beach. I combed through wet rocks until I found a small heart-shaped stone to add to my collection. The rust and sand-gray heart was pierced with three pin-sized holes. Then I discovered a white misshapen heart stone with an ingrained gray ribbon across it.

I was fascinated by the varied colors and shapes of the stones—eggs, flats, oblongs, ovals, and rounds. Some pebbles looked like shiny chocolate-covered candies. Many rocks had a polished sheen, others a rough sandy finish.Gemstone FaithThe sea-smoothed stones reminded me of how our faith can be turned from a jagged rock into a gem. The ocean, a giant gemstone tumbler, turns stones end over end, washing them up and down the shore. The constant rolling motion of waves grinds rocks and sand together, smoothing sharp-edged stones through abrasion.

Life’s rock tumbler rough-grinds our faith through the abrasion of trials and gritty everyday irritations. Constant waves of suffering can turn us end over end, tossing us from one crisis to the next until we feel as if our heart is pierced with sorrow.

Rocks that are used for polishing must possess certain qualities; one of them is hardness. On the hardness scale, our skin is about 1.5 compared to a diamond’s 10, which is thousands of times harder. Our faith needs to have the durability and hardness to hold up under abrasive, grinding pressures if it’s going to have diamond-like quality.

On the surface, a polished rock may appear to be a gemstone, but closer examination reveals nearly invisible defects and fractures. We may outwardly display spiritual strength until sharp blows break us open, exposing defects in our faith.

Some rocks are broken into fragments; then a piece is cut into the shape of a gem and tumbled with abrasives to grind away sharp edges. Before the Lord is able to begin preparing us for the gem-making process, we may feel as if we’ve been broken and splintered into pieces.

To hurry any part of the lengthy grinding-polishing process will produce an inferior gemstone, and so it is with our faith. Our trust in God can be turned into a gem if we’re willing to endure the grinding, shaping, tumbling, sanding, and polishing process. To develop a commitment to Christ of the highest quality, we need to be willing to submit to this lifelong faith-transforming process.

Hammering trials break off the rough edges of sin, and grinding hardships chip away superficial spirituality. Heart-tumbling losses deepen and strengthen our faith; sorrows form and shape compassion; painful sanding makes us spiritually tender, and tedious time-consuming polishing turns us into Christ-glorifying gemstones.

But are we willing to surrender ourselves to the Master stonecutter so He can grind and polish and shape us into His image?

Search for Spiritual Meaning in Suffering Introduction

Welcome

April 2015

I wrote this devotional Bible study for
those of us who are struggling with
doubts and trusting the Lord in affliction. 

Introduction

Have you ever faltered in your faith during heartbreaking trials? You wondered if you could continue on your spiritual journey. Maybe you’ve walked away from your faith during trying times or wandered in a dry spiritual wasteland searching for God but not finding Him. Have you been spiritually disappointed with yourself—and God? You questioned if you’d ever find your way back to the Lord or if He would ever find you again.

A loss or series of losses can cause us to question our faith and feel overwhelming emotional and spiritual pain. We wonder if God even cares. We struggle with conflicts between what we expect from God and what we actually experience. During trials we don’t have the spiritual victory we hear about from books, messages, and the claims of other Christians.

We’re hounded by nagging guilt and even shame that our faith isn’t strong enough to hold up in suffering. We may struggle with anger, bitterness, depression, and fear.

We spiritually waver, wanting to hang onto our faith one moment, and the next we want to give up. We know we should trust the Lord and release our burdens into His care. But we can’t seem to do it, and we don’t understand why we just can’t get over our pain or why God doesn’t do something to relieve us.


If you relate to such spiritual struggles, join me and many other Christians. This search for meaning in suffering is a spiritual quest, a lifelong journey in a single direction to our heavenly destination. But if you’re like me, you feel lost at times. You feel as if you’re spiritually taking the long way around to get where you belong.

What makes our search so difficult and sometimes scary is that the road we travel on is perilous. Heartbreaking losses and trials block our pathway and test our faith. Some of us get stuck and can’t get past emotional and spiritual roadblocks.

This series of blogs was written to help us get over those obstacles and keep us moving forward spiritually. We’ll discover how to deal with many different kinds of major losses and trials we or loved ones experience. If you’re looking for easy spiritual answers or quick-fix solutions to suffering, you won’t find them here. But we’ll learn how to keep on our spiritual journey during trials and find the needed spiritual support to work through grief and pain.

In writing The Search for Spiritual Meaning in Suffering, I’ve used a wide variety of resources, including personal accounts of many women. They graciously shared their stories of loss and how their faith was challenged in suffering.

This study may not be what you need if you haven’t suffered a major loss. But it will help you understand what others are experiencing. It can help you learn how to be more compassionate and minister to those who are hurting.

Often we fail to realize the impact suffering has on our faith. The primary purpose of this study is take us through the entire grieving-healing process and the spiritual phases we go through in suffering. Those three phases include spiritual reaction, rebuilding, and renewal.

In the spiritual reaction phase, we can’t believe God has allowed us to experience this painful loss. In the spiritual rebuilding phase, we have moved beyond our initial spiritual shock and have started growing in our faith through grief and trials. The spiritual renewal phase brings us into a deeper relationship with our Comforter who is always with us to love and support us in our pain. The Gifts of Suffering help us to see that God uses our trials as a gift to others and to us.

The Search for Spiritual Meaning in Suffering will help us gain an understanding of the ways our faith is tested as we go through trials. We’ll discover how we can grow through grief and come out with a stronger faith. We’ll come to terms with the mysteries of suffering, find spiritual meaning, and see how God can turn our losses into a gift to other hurting people.

One of my concerns as you work through this healing process is the danger of being defeated by negative self-talk and shame-filled thoughts, such as: I shouldn’t be anxious. I shouldn’t hurt so much. I shouldn’t cry. I’m dumb or stupid for feeling this way.

Even the strongest Christians hurt, sin, and have spiritual conflicts. We’re all on this search for spiritual meaning, so keep reminding yourself that the Lord accepts you as you are and how you feel. He is always present with you to support you through this healing, spiritually renewing process. I pray you will become more accepting and gentle with yourself as you and the Lord work through this healing process.

One of my greatest desires in writing The Search for Spiritual Meaning in Suffering was to encourage you that keeping your faith in suffering has great significance in the eyes of God and an unseen host of witnesses as well. Our losses can have personal and spiritual meaning, and our steadfast trust in the Lord counts for all eternity. I hope you will come to rely on the Lord’s ever-loving kindness. He is always with you no matter how dark and deep your heartaches go.

Here are some suggestions to help you on your journey. The chapters don’t have to be completed in a week, so give yourself the freedom to work through the series at your own pace.

Each week’s opening page has a Scripture passage that can be memorized. This is followed by a chapter and seven days of brief devotional studies on the same subject.
Before you start reading each day’s devotional, print it, and then write the date on the top of the page. Later you may want to reread what you’ve written. The dates will help you relate your written responses to the events and concerns you were experiencing during that period. You will be able to compare where you were in your pilgrimage of faith and how you have progressed since then.

Each day’s devotion begins with Scripture passages that correlate with the chapter theme. The “Scripture Reading” and “Practicing the Spiritual Life” were based on the Holy Bible: New International Version (NIV). Using this Bible or another modern version will make it easier to answer the questions in that section. You may want to look up passages in several different versions to gain a greater depth of meaning.

Under “Practicing the Spiritual Life,” the questions are for personal application. You will also find some assignments to help you work through the grieving-healing process and grow spiritually. Take time to seriously consider those questions, pray, and seek the Lord’s guidance. The questions are meant to help you apply the truths of Scripture to your everyday life. 

Earthbound

It’s been more than a year since I blogged. Now I am feeling the need to write again, at least on paper and not just in my head.  But the order of the day is dishes and laundry, or should I say week.

The dishes and laundry are both mounting like a dump yard on garbage day. Not a sight one wants to imagine. But this past year since Ron died (Dec. 2013) has been like dwelling in a deep dark hole, a dump yard filled with depression, guilt, and the regrets that are a normal part of grieving. Nothing has felt normal, however, during this time, I have felt lost, trying to find out who I am apart from Ron. I had never lived on my own. We started dating when we were 16 and 19 when I still lived with my parents and siblings until the day I was married—56 ½ years.

Ron was a man of prayer, and I always knew that when he passed, I would feel lost without those supporting prayers, but I could not anticipate how much his prayers sustained me, and how empty I feel without them.

Locked in an almost catatonic state, I have nearly slept the year away in the recliner, days and nights tumbling one into the other. I was so exhausted after Ron passed. Exhausted from my fears and panic, watching him slip deeper into the lostness of dementia and confusion and compounded by my worsening deafness. His soft voice made it nearly impossible to hear him, frustrating us both.

Do I miss Ron? I don’t miss Ron in his condition those final years. I wish he were here in his right mind and his sight restored. I wish our last years could have included doing things we enjoyed when he was well. Taking drives along the beautiful central coast. Watching grandchildren play sports. Going to a restaurant. Even simple pleasures such as these had become impossible.

As I was writing, 2 Corinthians 5 came to mind, “For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens” (5:1 kjv).

Here is the hope promised to us: When we die believing in Jesus as our Savior God, we will have a body not conceived by human passion, but a God-created body and brain, complete and whole, made to last for all eternity.

As this same verse states in The Message,  “For instance, we know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents and folded away, they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven—God-made, not handmade—and we’ll never have to relocate our ‘tents’ again.”

We can be certain that though we are confined here in our human body, we can daily move forward by faith looking to the day we will be living in the presence of our Lord in a whole new eternal body. Here we can’t visually see our transformed body. It may be difficult to believe in that promise when we contend with our imperfections, and diseases of mind and body. So we must hold onto this confidence that when our earthly body dies we will physically be whole and new and forever present with the Lord (5:6-8).

Finally, 2 Corinthians 5:2-5 The Message (MSG) states: “Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what’s coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we’re tired of it! We’ve been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less.”

I am thankful Ron is whole; now he can see. Now he is clear minded. Now he is with Jesus.

Here I am still earthbound; dishes awaiting and laundry half done. Yet, I am looking forward with a bit of heaven in my heart. 

The Strong Hand of God

“I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely” (Psalm 63:8, NLT).

Ron, my beloved husband of 56 ½ years, passed into the presence of His Lord and Savior in the early morning hours of December 10, 2013.

He had been gradually failing due to dementia and extreme sciatica pain and in early November he could not sit, stand, walk, or feed himself. Most of that intense time is a blur to me as Ron was in and out of the hospital, and in a convalescent home for a week while they did rehabilitation therapy to help him walk and feed himself again. But he came home in the same condition that he went into the hospital.

During that time, I had a dream that I was talking to a friend of Ron’s. We were in the living room of an old, whitewashed house with a low, popcorn ceiling. The small house stood on a high hill, and as I looked out a bay window at a village nestled in a lush green valley below, I said to our friend, “Ron is going to pass away soon.”

The scene was so detailed and vivid, but I don’t remember anything else that was said during the dream. When I awoke, I realized that Ron was going to pass away.

After that, the words that God kept bringing to mind were: “the strong hand of the Lord is on us.” As I searched the Bible I discovered how meaningful and true those words proved to be in our lives in so many ways:

“Sovereign Lord, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do (Deuteronomy 3:24, NIV)?




“He acted with a strong hand and powerful arm. His faithful love endures forever (Psalm 136:12, NLT).

How did God have His strong hand on us?

Earlier that year, in April of 2013, I had broken my right foot, and our friend, Jimmy, from church had called us almost daily, talking to Ron and me, praying for us, and often singing “Jesus loves you” over the phone when he left a message.

My friend Lana came after I broke my foot to pray with me, clean, and do dishes for all those months while my bones healed. Then in November as Ron was slowly passing away, I fractured my right ankle when I slipped on the kitchen floor. Lana continued to clean and help in so many ways, with such a loving heart.

God sent an outpouring of love through our church family with meals and helps of all kind and provided us with a new dishwasher. Judy and Steve, members we hardly knew, stepped forward and assisted in so many practical ways, arranging for meals, trips to the doctor, and wading through bills and paperwork. We also received much needed financial gifts.

God provided Hospice care for Ron, and my broken ankle turned out to be a “God thing.” As social workers assessed our situation, one worker kept looking back and forth between Ron and me, saying, “They can’t be left alone. They need help.”

I couldn’t care for Ron because I was in a wheelchair and couldn’t reach him to give him medication or food, or physically care for him. To be honest, I am not good at nursing care. So through Hospice, God provided help for us 24/7.

Our friends, Pastor Archie; Greg, Ron’s Bible study leader; and men from the group came to visit Ron. They read Scripture and prayed aloud for Ron, who slipped in and out of consciousness and could not sit up at all. On a Thursday, the day of the study, Ron suddenly awoke, sat up, and said, “I have to go to Bible Study.”

We told him that he couldn’t go, but he became agitated as he tried to climb out of bed and insisted, “I’m going to Bible study.”

I finally had to call Greg and put him on the phone with Ron. Greg was able to calm Ron and help him understand that he couldn’t get out of bed. As Greg said at Ron’s service, “That was the first time I had to tell one of the men they couldn’t come to Bible study.”

Though Ron had no idea what day it was or that the Bible study was that night, we were amazed that he knew in his spirit.

During one of Pastor Archie’s visit, he said to Ron, who was semi-conscious, “Brother Ron I have heard you sing hundreds of times over the years we’ve known each other, and right now there is a song you are singing in your head. What is that song?” 

Ron roused from his semi-conscious state and immediately started singing softly, his voice crackling,

“Have Thine own way, Lord!

Have Thine own way! 


Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.


Mold me and make me after Thy will,


While I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord!

Have Thine own way!”


(Lyrics, Adelaide A. Pollard, 1907;

Scripture: Isaiah 64:8)

Those of us standing around his bed joined in with Ron, our own voices breaking. It was a sacred moment.

Then three days before Ron passed away, county funds had run out and he would no longer have care.  Though we did not know what we would do or how long Ron would live, the Lord gave me peace that He would take care of us those remaining days, and He did.  His strong hand was upon us.

Our friends Molliann and Kelly Flowers came that very evening, and she took care of Ron through the night and most of the next day when my brother and his wife, Cindy, a retired nurse, came, and then she took over. By then Ron was in a deep coma, and we realized death was very close and our 21 year old grandson, Byron, stayed with us.

Sometime on December 10, in the early morning hours, Ron passed away. Byron awoke, but he waited to call hospice and waken me until about five a.m. Then he wheeled me down to Ron’s room. God’s peace pervaded and His strong presence was upon us. Though I was numb with grief and a deep sense of loss, I knew Ron was home now and free from pain. Though he had been blind now he could see. Though he had been confused for so long, now he was clear minded. Now He was rejoicing with Jesus.

I realized then the many prayers God had answered. Ron’s greatest fear had been that he would outlive me. We both had wanted him to die at home, and he did. Hospice had been searching for a convalescent home that would take Ron during his final days. We knew God had intervened, and granted us our desires when no beds were found.

That day as we planned Ron’s service, we agreed that we wanted it to be a celebration of his life. So all of our grandchildren along with Jimmy sang at Ron’s service. Byron played the drums and another friend, Alan, played Ron’s trumpet. We had two videos of Ron singing at our church. God’s strong hand was on us.

We thank our church family and friends who so lovingly exemplified this passage in their sacrificial giving to us.

Romans 15:1-6

The Message (MSG)

1-2 Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?”

3-6 That’s exactly what Jesus did. He didn’t make it easy for himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded right in and helped out. “I took on the troubles of the troubled,” is the way Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it’s written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next. May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets along with us all. Then we’ll be a choir—not our voices only, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our Master Jesus!

Sheila's Radio Interview

Encouragement Cafe

Sheila Cragg: A Woman’s Heart for God RADIO PODCAST
Posted on August 30, 2013 

Click above to hear Sheila's interview. 

BookGoodies Interview with Writing Tips

BookGoodies Article with Writing Tips

A Woman’s Heart for God by Sheila Cragg

BY BOOK AUTHOR LEAVE A COMMENT

Drawing Closer to the Lover of Your Soul

Sheila Cragg knows of what she writes. She is the primary caregiver to her disabled and ailing husband and has also experienced some of life’s deepest setbacks. But through all of those circumstances, she has drawn increasingly closer to the Lover of her soul and developed a rich, devotional lifestyle that she admits would never have happened otherwise.

In A Woman’s Heart for God, Cragg shares her own life experiences and provides scriptural insights, creative ideas and interactive questions to help readers tailor their times with Him—whatever their circumstances—pinpointing how to remove any obstacles that are keeping them from intimacy with Christ.

Targeted Age Group: 18+

Author Bio:
Sheila Cragg (MFA, Creative Writing) is a mentor/instructor for Jerry Jenkins’ Christian Writers Guild and also formerly served as an associate editor for Focus on the Family Publishing. She has published six books, including A Woman’s Walk with God and A Woman’s Journey toward Holiness, and numerous articles in Reader’s Digest, Family Weekly, and other periodicals. Her Experiencing Christ website ministry— www.womanswalk.com—is centered on helping women develop a devotional lifestyle and deepen their relationship with the Lord. Sheila lives in Santa Maria, California, with her husband, Ron.

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Interview with Author – Sheila Cragg @sheilacragg

BY BOOK AUTHOR LEAVE A COMMENT

Author Bio:
Sheila Cragg is the author of A Woman’s Heart for God by Worthy Publishing. She is a mentor for the Jerry B. Jenkins Christian Writers Guild and formerly served as an associate book editor for Focus on the Family Publishing. She has published numerous articles in Reader’s Digest, Family Weekly, and other periodicals as well as six books, including the out-of-print devotional Bible studies, A Woman’s Walk with God, A Woman’s Journey toward Holiness, as well as Near to the Heart of God, a Scripture prayer journal.

Her Experiencing Christ website ministry at http://womanswalk.com, and her blog, One Woman’s Heart for God at http://www.sheilacragg.blogspot.com/ are centered on encouraging people from around the world (62 countries) in their quest to personally experience an intimate relationship with God.

Sheila is also a young at heart grandmother, who loves the Lord, her husband, Ron, sons, five grandchildren, and dear friends. She enjoys sewing and is a ribbon rose artist. She takes care of her three youngest granddaughters, who live three doors away. They love to come to her house to cook, do crafts, hang out, and have sleepovers. She lives in Santa Maria, on the beautiful central coast of California, famous for its grape vineyards, fields of strawberries, and broccoli.

What inspires you to write?
The Bible, spiritual classics, and life experiences that make no sense inspire me to discover meaning through writing about them.

My favorite type of writing is devotional Bible studies with personal stories that include practical and spiritual applications. When I have a specific subject, I research and read extensively. I also pray, meditate, reflect on the topic, and discuss it with others. I do a lot of writing in my head, ruminating, sifting information, questioning ideas, and even internally arguing different sides and views.

My most recent book, A Woman’s Heart for God, Worthy Publishing, was written and revised over many years as I prayed, reflected, and sought to understand the Lord’s working in my life and family and what He was teaching us. Through trials that were so heartbreakingly senseless this side of heaven, my faith was tested as I sought answers and wrote about our experiences.

For most of my life, I felt that it was all up to me to keep my faith and discover how I should live for the Lord. He began showing me that my walk with Him was me-centered. He had plans and purposes for my life and put me in places that I would never have chosen. I began to see that He was teaching me about the God-centered life. He was the initiator and sustainer of my faith. He was the one doing a transforming work in me. Once I realized that, I began to let go my expectations of Him. I was freed to see Him working according to His will in unchanging circumstances.

Tell us about your writing process.
I am not an outliner in the classic sense.

For my novel, All the Secret Things, I used Excel to create a timeline with the main characters names, birth dates, their ages at the beginning of the novel, age progression, dates/years of major events and pivotal moments. I included real places, information about the cultural environment, and historical events in my book, so I recorded brief notes with dates and information about the times to make sure everything fit together cohesively and according to certain historical events, times, and places.

Another helpful thing to do is to carry a small notebook with you at all times. If you are stuck waiting, describe an interesting person in the room, but be discreet. Also describe the scenery around you using all of your senses; record sights, smells, sounds, feelings, atmosphere of the place and people and the gestures they make. Record hand movements, the way people talk and walk, and tone of voice. Include clothing and scenery colors and weather. A notebook filled with sensory descriptions are very useful and carefully included enhance a story.

For Fiction Writers: Do you listen (or talk to) to your characters?
I do both. I have written one novel and I cut photos of people out of magazines that resembled my characters. I used those pictures to help me describe my characters. I also drew up personality sketches for each character, their likes and dislikes, values, and the type of work they did. The more you know about your characters the more real they become to yourself and readers.

What advice would you give other writers?
So much has changed these past 40 years from when I started. One piece of advice I learned in the beginning still stands strong: Writing for publication is a profession. Writing appears to be deceptively easy, but it is the hardest work I have ever done. You need special training to become a writer just as you do to become a doctor or teacher.

First: editing and revising are the most important parts of the writing process. I work mostly on the computer; when I finish a section I let it “cool” and move onto writing/revising other parts.

Second: I print the revised articles/chapters. This helps me gain a fresh look at the story because it seems to read differently than the computer document. Then I use standard editor’s marks to handwrite additions, corrections, deletions, and revisions.

Third: I tend to write my chapters in a random order, so when I make revisions of several chapters, I often use the numbering feature to number every paragraph in a chapter. Then I print those chapters and circle the parts that need to be moved. I write abbreviated instructions to show where to move that information. For example, in the left margin next to paragraph #25, I might write: “Move #25 after #3.” Or “move #25 to chapter 2 before #10.”

Fourth: after I have done several revisions I lose my objectivity and dislike what I have written, so I change the font from serif (Times New Romans) to sans serif (Arial or Helvetica or a fun font such as Comic Sans Mt). This gives the chapter or article another fresh appearance, so I see mistakes or needed corrections that I had missed before. When I finish editing that part, I change the font back to the standard: Times New Roman and continue the process.

It helps to earn a degree in English, journalism, or creative (fiction) writing. Submit your writing to local and online critique groups and critique other writers’ work, both are equally necessary. Attend as many writing conferences as you can, follow the rules for submitting your writing for publication, become social media savvy, develop a public platform, obtain an agent, in addition have your writing professionally edited before submitting your manuscript to an agent, book editor, and for self-publishing add a proofreader.

Keep up with the business and writing side of the publishing industry as it is changing at such a rapid rate. Always keep learning and sharpening your writing skills. Today you have to do more than simply write. Social media, blogging, having a platform, speaking, and so many more things are required to gain attention to your books.

Blogging has opened doors for people who do and do not want to write as a profession. Blogging is a wonderful way to hone your skills, find your voice, and develop your passion. The pressure is not as great as it is for writing an article or story for publication. It’s a dichotomy because blogging allows you the freedom to write what you please.

How did you decide how to publish your books?
All my books were royalty published, but then they went out of print. After that I tried self-publishing ventures but soon realized I needed to work with a royalty publisher because my books did not have the exposure or the promotional resources. I am grateful that A Woman’s Heart for God, was brought out by Worthy Publishing as they provided professional editorial, marketing, and publishing helps that I could not do. The Worthy staff has taught me so much about the rapid changes in publishing and what is required of authors today.

What do you think about the future of book publishing?
I have witnessed the lightening-speed change in book publishing these past forty plus years that I could never have dreamed or imagined. I started out using a self-correcting typewriter and submitting manuscripts by snail air mail, which cannot be compared to the computer and the instantaneous delivery by email attachment. Books will always be published, but in what form? I could not have predicted the changes I have seen so far. It’s fun to speculate what is coming tomorrow.

What genres do you write?
Non-Fiction, Spiritual, Inspirational, Christian, Christian Non-Fiction

What formats are your books in?
Both eBook and Print

Website(s)
Author Home Page Link
Link To Author Page On Amazon
Link to Author Page on other site

Your Social Media Links
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/611844.Sheila_Cragg
https://www.facebook.com/sheila.cragg
https://twitter.com/sheilacragg
http://pinterest.com/sheilacragg/pins/

FILED UNDER: INTERVIEWS TAGGED WITH: A WOMAN'S HEART FOR GOD, CHRISTIAN NON-FICTION, INSPIRATIONAL, SHEILA CRAGG

Interview about A Woman's Heart for God

Tell us a bit about the experiences that shaped the insights in the book.

Sheila Cragg: For thirteen years now the Lord has been teaching me about His sovereignty and His plans for my life that I would never have chosen. Between serious illnesses, my husband becoming suddenly blind, and other family struggles, nothing has seemed to go right. I have begged God to answer prayers and deliver us from our difficulties. Yet God hasn’t answered my way or in my timing. Instead, He has been teaching me to watch for Him working in our trials, in the unchanging circumstances. He has revealed His Sovereign plans and called me to serve Him in ways that I had never imagined doing.

There are two Bible passages that stand out to me and have helped me realize: “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps” (Prov. 16:9 NLT).

I feel like Job did when he wrote, “He [God] is singular and sovereign. Who can argue with him? He does what he wants, when he wants to. He’ll complete in detail what he’s decided about me, and whatever else he determines to do. Is it any wonder that I dread meeting him? Whenever I think about it, I get scared all over again. God makes my heart sink” (Job 23: 13-15 MSG)!

Instead of asking, “what is your book about,” I’m going to ask the question that’sbehind that question. And that unspoken question is, “how are readers going to benefit from reading your book?”

Sheila Cragg: Many Christians have a misconception about how God works in our lives. We expect Him to answer our prayers based on what we believe He should do for us. When our problems continue without answers or change, or one hardship comes upon another, we question God and wonder why He doesn’t intervene and supply our needs. It’s our expectations of what God should do that defeat us, and it’s at this point many feel abandoned and turn away from God.

I have come to realize, “How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways! For who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice?” (Rom. 11:33-34 NLT)?

My prayer is that readers will benefit from reading my book by surrendering their plans to God and discovering His purpose for their lives, which is a daily exercise of being open to His guidance. I pray they discover how to trust the Lord to hang onto them when they cannot hold on any longer. I pray they surrender to God’s working in and through them in places and with people in ministries they would never have chosen or even imagined doing. I pray they learn to see how He redeems our most painful experiences for His glory. I pray they see the gifts that come from their willingness to do what God desires and how He can use them to encourage others in their walk with the Lord.

How is your book different from the many other books on the topic of drawing closer to God?

Sheila Cragg: Many books are about how we must draw closer to God and that we are responsible for the quality of our spiritual life. But what I hope to convey is that the spiritual life is much more about what God does for us and about how He draws us closer to Him. Closeness with the Lord begins with recognizing the initiative He takes toward us. That’s why God longs for our commitment to Him to flow from our love relationship with Him, not out of obligation. He wants us to lean against Him, to turn to Him even when difficult circumstances press in from all sides.

I used to believe, “It was all up to me.” My relationship with God. My commitment to spiritual disciplines. Even whether or not things were going “right” in my life.

I used to believe that the way to a deeper relationship with God was to have personal objectives that I worked toward every day. I set monthly, yearly, and lifelong goals and tried to develop habits that I believed would help me grow in my relationship with God.

I was basing everything on my efforts, my plans, and my determination to please God with my devotional life. All well meaning, but it was all self-driven, not God-driven. It was based on my working to get closer to God rather than daily waiting on His guidance and listening for what He wanted to teach me during my time with Him and throughout the day. And I kept failing!

Instead of helping me, the goals I set for myself made me feel like a disappointment to God when I didn’t achieve them or even work toward them. Those goals kept me from realizing that God is Sovereign and He has plans for my life and to bring about spiritual growth that I had never imagined.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV).

Give us two or three of the most important pieces of advice for people who are asking, “How Do I Get Closer to the Lover of My Soul?”

Sheila Cragg: First, loving us is God’s idea. “We love Him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19 kjv). Because He loves us He takes the initiative to draw us to Himself, so we need to open our hearts and receive His outpouring of love through Jesus as our Savior.

Second, we need to realize that the Lord initiates a relationship with us. Once we recognize this we are relieved of the burden of feeling it is all on us. We begin to see that He is drawing us closer to Himself through His Word.

Third, God has plans for our lives that we would never imagine, and once we surrender to His will and do what He desires, He draws us closer to Him. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you” (Jer. 29:11-12 ESV).

Fourth, we discover the “gifts” that come out of the difficult challenges we may daily experience and that is to minister to others even in the midst of our own trials. “The Sovereign Lord has taught me what to say, so that I can strengthen the weary. Every morning he makes me eager to hear what he is going to teach me” (Isaiah 50:4 GNT).

What do you say to the person who has trouble spending time with God? They don’t really know what to do and it’s not very exciting?

Sheila Cragg: My book offers practical ideas and creative ways to spend time with the Lord and be open to Him. But I also struggle with having devotions and setting aside the time. I have come to realize that even when I don’t get anything out of my Bible reading, the Spirit of God is still imprinting the Word on my heart and mind. Then the Spirit speaks through those passages at other times when He is working in me. Once I shift my focus more on God and not on my expectations for what I’m going to get out of devotions, I can see more clearly what He is teaching me and how He is working. Once we realize that God initiates a relationship with us, and we open ourselves to watching for Him at work in our lives and listening to how He is guiding us through Scripture, our time with Him becomes more genuine and real and, yes, exciting.

You discuss being open to God’s presence. What does that mean? And what do you say to the person who says, “I don’t know what God’s presence feels like”?

Sheila Cragg: We become so consumed in thinking about our own needs and what we want from Him that we do not feel His presence. We experience God’s presence through his Word as we listen to it, how it applies to our life, and then act upon it. The Holy Spirit is also present within us, and He makes Himself known to us whether we realize it or not. So we need to be intentional about watching for the Spirit of God working in our lives and how He daily desires to guide us. He prompts us to do certain things and convicts us of sin. My greatest caution is that the Spirit of God never tells us to do wrong or to twist His Word. Pray and memorize Psalm 139, which is a promise of God’s presence in our lives.

What has the response been to the book so far?

Sheila Cragg: My book seems to resonate with readers because I have been transparent about my own personal and spiritual struggles. I question why God works the way He does and why He takes so long to answer. I even become angry at times when our trials are so horrible, such as the abuse and severe neglect of our foster grandchildren by their birth mother. I wondered why those in authority refused to intervene. Where was God? Even during that time God revealed Himself to me through His Word and in many other surprising ways.

I try to help readers understand that it is okay to question unrelenting hardships and that some heartaches like what we went through will make no sense this side of heaven.

Here is what readers wrote about A Woman’s Heart for God.

“Sometimes I think to myself, ‘How does this woman know my exact thoughts and fears???’ I love that you admit that there are times you feel like you pray the same things over and over…I have been going through the same thing myself. I also love that you say it is OKAY and show me ways to break out of that pattern.”

“I just had to let you know that I have finished A Woman’s Heart for God, and I have never been so sad to finish a book! I read one chapter a day (most days) and learned SO much from you. I am now going back and reviewing the highlights I made just to reinforce what I learned. I admire and respect the way you have handled difficulties in life. Your story has reminded me that God uses trials and difficulties to get us where we need to be. I need to remember what the ultimate goals of this life are….. to stay in God’s will, serve Him, and to join Him in heaven when this life is over. We lost our youngest daughter 8 years ago to ovarian cancer (she was just 17 years old) and I have been floundering around ever since. I haven’t lost faith, but I haven’t been actively serving either. I’ve just been in a waiting pattern. I know there is something more God would have me do and you have encouraged me to continue watching, waiting and praying in the meantime.”

Faith Farrell wrote this review:

“I loved every chapter of this book!

All the topics addressed lie so close to a woman’s heart.

Don’t we all feel that our relationship with Jesus is sustained by our own efforts?

Don’t we all feel that once we are saved by Grace it is up to us to strive harder to grow in Grace?

Have we ever lost sight of this truth: “My deeper relationship with God is up to Him, not me: He will guide me and instruct me in His ways?”

Don’t we all want to respond to God as the Lover of our Souls? Don’t we all forget He is the one who initiates this Love relationship?

Don’t we all worry that our flaws are too much for God to Love?

This book begins with a foundation of rich theological truth, an overview of God’s Perfect, Divine Nature.

Our heart sings as we read about His Glory, His Love, His Holiness, His Mercy and Long-Suffering Kindness toward us; His Ever Present Care for us. . . .

Reading this book causes us to celebrate our Lover, and to look into His heart of Care for us, and to look into our own heart that needs His Love, and to see He is there to pour it out upon us.

The chapters on knowing we are God’s, and that He will never turn us away work to heal our frail hearts. Our hearts fear being unloved, or unworthy of love, and this cripples our relationship with God. We fear being rejected.

“God’s beloveds include those who feel flawed, frail, handicapped; who are hurting and wounded; who have emotional and mental illnesses; who have personality quirks and physical imperfections. But, far more importantly, these men and women have a heart for God and great worth in His eyes–and they are spiritually beautiful.”

“The truth is, you are one of God’s beloved. As you receive His love and understand the worth you have in Him, you will radiate His beauty. You will be a woman after His own heart.”

In the chapters on loss and affliction, being crucified with Christ, every observation she made struck a chord with me. It was so heartening to hear some of Sheila Cragg’s personal story, and her reflections on life.

“Life’s uncertainties can definitely challenge my confidence in God. I know in my mind that God is faithful and reliable, but I waver emotionally. I would rather not go through the wrenching process of my faith being tried and stretched. I’d like to be a spiritual super person, but I’m not. And I suspect I’m not alone. Yet as I persevere by faith, my trust in the Lord grows stronger.”

Looking at our afflictions honestly and trusting God to hold us in Him when we would run away leads to hope: “Even in our brokenness, a tiny seed of confidence in God will grow deeper spiritual roots. We can cling to our Lord no matter how terrible the heartaches, despite our inability to handle the painful circumstances, and regardless of our doubts about God and our wavering faith. We can ask God to hold on to us when we can’t hold on to Him any longer, and He will.”

The chapters on the devotional life are the best I have read so far in my Christian reading.

“God is the One who helps us embrace the beauty of a life devoted to Him. As we faithfully meet with Jesus, He enables us to face trials of all kinds, He guides our steps and strengthens our faith, and He uses us to comfort others with the comfort we have received from Him.”

“I used to think I’d failed when I came away from my quiet time still feeling spiritually empty. I now realize that my feelings have little to do with what God is doing in my life. I now want to spend time with God to build our relationship just as I want to spend time with my husband, sons, and grandchildren to build our relationship–and simply because I love them and enjoy being with them.”

Reading this book, a woman comes to understand that an intense season of giving care to a suffering loved one or raising children does not make her a failure at prayer and the disciplines. We need to draw closer to God in an intense season, but every season of Seeking God will not look the same.

“Seeking after God in every season of life will allow Him to cultivate the soil of our hearts, prune sin, cut off dead branches, and tenderly nurture our growth. He yearns to meet with us in a simple, sacred place where we can flourish in His watchful, protecting presence.”

What else do you want readers to know about your book?

Sheila Cragg: Our life here on earth is not all about us or what we want. It’s all about the Lord and what He wants to do in and through us. I have come to realize that we cannot possibly become committed to God or lead a disciplined life or form fixed spiritual habits by our personal efforts. We fail every time. Developing good spiritual habits means surrendering to the God-directed life. It means listening to the Holy Spirit directing us in each season of life—whether it’s an exhausted season with young children demanding our time, an intense season of finding our place in our vocation, or a lonely season of waiting and reflecting.

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